Over-React Much?

Well, here I am. I know it hasn't been that long since the last entry but I had some interesting turn of events in the last week or so that I thought bore a blog debut. It started sort of while I was in Kenora. We found out that my Uncle Duke was moving from his home of about 20 years in Fernie BC to Fort MacMurray for a job opportunity. And what an opportunity it was. He stands to make a great deal of money in the next 6 years or so and good on him since he's retiring soon. So after my mom was done talking to him she said that maybe I should be looking into moving out there too for some sort of future. I feel bad because I have a future that I haven't told her about so I was stuck just playing along to appease her. Just to avoid a bad confrontation. I sent out 4 resumes to jobs in Fort Mac. Ok fine to make it stop, that what I did. Nothing really wrong with it, it seemed innocent. Well nothing is ever as it seems. I started to think "What if I did go out there? I could make some serious money for a while and then come back and make a comfortable living and maybe have my car paid off and enough for a down payment on a house or something. It wouldn't take that long out there either, 6-10 months tops. But I knew it wasn't a very feasible plan. I made a commitment here and I need to honour that. So fast forward 4 days to Thursday while I am at work. I was reading my email and one of the places that I sent a resume to was responding to my resume. They asked if I was relocating and how fast I could be there for an interview. I was kind of shocked I got a return so fast. Since I never really took it seriously it was kind of a nice ego boost career wise. Anyhow, I was talking to a friend online and I told him about it. He seemed rather supportive in his own way about it. That was nice. (thanks!) But I asked him not to tell the boy about it. I didn't feel it warranted much attention because it was such a far fetched idea anyway. So I go to volleyball that night and have some fun there and have a drink and some pizza - nothing unusual. I was wasting time too because I didn't really want to go home and pack stuff. But I go home anyways. And I get there and the boy is there. Curious. He's sitting on the couch and he's looking pissed (but what else is new), and he says to sit down in this fake ominous tone he likes to use when trying to intimidate. Lovely I thought. So as it turns out, guess who has been reading my email? I guess I have my homepage on his old computer still setup to go directly to my inbox of my email. So he's been reading my email for I don't know how long. So he's totally pissed about this job thing that doesn't really mean anything. He thought I was going to leave him and never come back or something. So he's flipping out and I am trying to explain that it wasn't a serious issue, but he wouldn't believe me. He said I was betraying him by not telling him everything. Yeah well, it wasn't that long he did the same thing to me but it wasn't job related but heart related and with another woman. Then he has the balls to tell me that he is testing his trust in me in so many words. He hacked my email and then has the testes to call me untrustworthy. Well a big FUCK YOU to that. Then it devolved further into me hanging out with the guys from volleyball and what has really been going on. I'm shaking my head in utter disbelief by this point. And getting really insulted by this line of questioning. Apparently I am stupid for thinking that a guy just wants to be my friend and want nothing more then that. I'm not exactly what you would call a man eater. I don't have that type of physicallity at all. I don't even want that kind of attention. So I can't have a life outside of him and I. That really isn't fair. Then he came back with the "How would you feel if the roles were reversed?" And I said I felt horrible when it happened to me but I never escalated a friendship to anything more than friendship like he did. I've played second fiddle in his life for a good 75% of our relationship. I mean I know two wrongs don't make a right but I think it should merit a little understanding and faith. I hate guilt trips. And he's getting better at them by the minute it seems. Here's what's scaring me, this new apartment and living together again that seems to be out of necessity. I have no where to live and he does. That means I owe him. Strike 1. Everything in our old apartment that was mine is getting thrown out. Everything in the new apartment is his. That means he has more rights to the things in that new place. Strike 2. His name is the only name on the lease. That means one big fight and I am out on my ass with no where to go or turn to. Strike 3. You're outta there! It scares the hell out of me. And I don't know if maybe he's got this even more devious side that possibly he's setting me up for. Like pick a retarded fight (like this last one) and boot me out on my ear so I can live in my new car. So yes I am playing my cards close to my chest. It's the only hand I have. It's my only power now. Why is it that I have to be the one who wears my heart on my sleeve all the time. It's kind of nice to see him scared of losing me a bit. Even if it is all in his own head. Does that make me evil? Maybe a little bit, but I have never denied being a bit evil. So it's getting to be like midnite and later and he's still on this crap and I am getting really pissed off now. Then he started to say stuff about certain people in my family and I told him to leave. He didn't. Which leads me to believe 1 of 2 things 1) He just wanted to be mean to me because he felt he had a right to because the fight was my fault according to him or 2) he was blowing off steam and I am his regular whipping post. I don't know which is worse honestly. So I decided to get this to end I would have to admit some sort of responsibility and sure enough as soon as I did the fight was pretty much resolved. As long as I am to blame then it's all better. It was getting on to 1AM at that point and I just want to go to bed. Then the next night we went to the movies and out to dinner after. We went to POTC II and it was awesome! I love that series! Captain Jack Sparrow will never die! We ate at Earl's afterwards and had a nice time. He dropped me off at home and I went to bed. Then the next day we were supposed to be playing in a volleyball tourney but it got cancelled so we just decided to play for shits and giggles on Saturday afternoon. Well I thought we would be done at about 3pm ish but as it turns out a few more people showed up then so we ended up playing until like 6:00 or so and then I got a cramp and we all stopped playing. None of us had eaten so we went up to the deck for food and bevvies and then we dispersed at about 7ish. I get home and I was doing dishes and stuff then I crashed on the couch for about an hour. I got into the bedroom and there was a flashing light on the answering machine....hmmm it wasn't flashing when I got home. I play it and it was the boy, I guess I missed his call and he was mad because I guess we were supposed to be moving stuff that night. I forgot. And I didn't really think that we set anything definite anyways. So back to fighting AGAIN! This is getting really tiresome now. I guess I made him feel bad that afternoon because at some point we misplayed a ball and it went over the side of the rink and he was putting garbage out so I yelled at him to get the ball (not yelled meanly or anything) but when he threw the ball back I guess we were just kind of sitting around making conversation. Then him and Todd started to talk about how busy the vendor was and if the boy had ever seen anyone get into a car accident. Small talk. I was sucking wind so I wasn't really able to do the small talk and then it was time to start again. But apparently that made him feel neglected. I didn't realize. I wasn't purposely not talking to him, I was just tired. That was about a half hour or so before we stopped playing. So he knew I was still there and not at home. But because I said we were only going to play for a little while instead of 5.5 hours I was lying. There is a difference between lying and changing your plans. Ergo I must not be committed to moving in with him. Then it was how he has hardly seen me all week and that last week when I came over to do laundry and watch a movie with him was the most he saw me. Well now he knows how I feel when he screws up my plans to beat his head against a wall at work instead of leaving when he is told. So I cleaned up my closet all Sunday before volleyball and I must have like 6 big ass bags of clothing to take to Sally-Ann. Ridiculous! Then after volleyball I went over to his place unannounced to say hi. I stayed to watch the end of Bad Boys 2. I hate that movie. Evs. That's Australian for "Whatever". I kinda like it better, and it's shorter. Well then Monday we packed some more crap up after he got done work. I cleaned the kitchen cupboards above the stove. They were GROSS! It really sucks because there's no ventilation of any sort in the kitchen like most places have. So it's uber greasy and hard to clean from atop a chair. The bathroom is the same way. That's going to suck too. I hate cleaning. I want to just hire someone to do it. Oh how I wish I had money. Tuesday was volleyball night and we had good games. It was playoffs too so they were important games of a kind. So far we are winning 1.5 matches! Woohoo!!!! Anyhow that was my rant of sorts. Of course you are all getting one side of it and that's too bad because on my blog my side is the one that counts! Ha! Evs! That's it for me kids, hope all is well in your respective worlds.
J-BOMB! OUT!