Accidental Glitch or Not?

Ok so I had a post that I put up last wednesday, and it was a pretty personal and angry post. I think also it was some of my best writing in it. Basically it was an email fight between me and the boy about going out with a male friend of mine. I said I wanted to go out for dinner to catch up with my dear friend, whom I haven’t seen for a month. He’s been away in Africa doing some really good stuff with the company he works for. I told the boy that I was going to go out for dinner with him and he freaked out but not until a day later when the email happened. To make a long story less long, he said go out for dinner with him and find a new place to live. I took great offence to this threat and felt like he didn’t trust me to hang out with him. Like I would jump this guy’s bones right at dinner on the table. Or that this guy would try it with me. And that’s just laughable as it is. There is zero romantic energy between my friend and me. None. I tried to explain that fact I don’t know how many times (even before this debacle) but to avail. So I ceded the dinner for a lunch. I emailed back my friend and he was a little shocked that the boy takes this stance with him. And I agree, it’s very insulting, to both of us. And the boy knows my friend as well, it’s not like they are total strangers. But I guess I kind of leaned on my friend (as friends do) when the boy and I were having issues at the beginning of summer. And really it wasn’t even that big of a deal. So back to the issue at hand. The boy said he would have felt better if we had been going out to dinner with a group of people, or had lunch instead of dinner. So group sex and lunch time quickies are ok then? Har har. So we went to Olive Garden and we didn’t even decide that until the day we went for lunch. He beat me there cause traffic was insane. So I go up to the table and he has this really pensive look on his face. I think he was half expecting the boy to be with me. So we had a good talk, and he told me he fell in love in Africa with someone. I was tickled. I love it when my friends have good news when my life sucks. There of course are some strings for the poor guy but hey he doesn’t ever seem to fall for the easy ones. Do you? Anyways, lunch was good, I even got presents! He brought back mahogany and iron wood bracelets and a handmade tapestry. I thought that was sweet. He asked if I was allowed to accept them, I was like eff’n rights man, I love presents! Gimme, gimme, gimme! My friend was concerned about what was going on. And we talked about it and he had some sage advice for a guy who’s never been in a relationship. Thanks man. I came home after work and listened to aggressive music very loudly. It was a nice release. I love to play the music really loud and attempt to sing along. So I sing? Umm not even a little bit but I can dream can’t I? The boy comes home and we have a decent night. He spent a good chunk of it over at his brothers, again. Whatever. The next day I was heading out to Kenora for Thanksgiving weekend. I was so looking forward to turkey and ham, no mash potatoes but hey that’s ok. My mom has sucky mash potatoes; at least that was what I was telling myself in order to not feel too upset about not getting to have any. Sour grapes are GREAT! I drove at a decent pace all the way. And I had this little cat and mouse game with an older model Honda Accord. And the driver was an older model too. Ha! From about the end of the 4 way highway to the bypass turn off that heads into Kenora we kept passing each other in long line ups. It was kinda funny. So when the highway splits he takes the ‘Toban way into Kenora. That’s when you get off the highway to go through Keewatin. Only ‘Tobans do that. The other way is quicker. And as he’s going off the ramp on the right he’s speeding up so that he’s right beside my right side. Then he waves. Odd. A little disconcerting even. So I give a timid little wave and hit the gas. Had a good afternoon with my mom and then we went to my brother’s house for cake and coffee for my niece’s 9^th birthday. I can’t believe she is 9 now. Just yesterday she was like 2 in my head. And she got the cutest hair cut. She looks like a little lady now. I got her Hallowe’en costume for her birthday present. She wanted to be a vampire. Easy enough. Got her some fake blood and teeth and nails and stuff. And I got this wicked Nikki Six wig for her but I think my brother is gonna wear it instead. He’s such an 80’s guy! All of the nieces and nephews from my sister in laws side were over. What a bunch of pretty little girls in that family. Boy oh boy. And they all look like their mothers, but they don’t look like each other, and all the mothers are sisters. It’s funny. I get back home and mom and I decide to play Canasta. We haven’t played that in a while. I won the first game and she won the second. It was pretty late by the time we finished playing so she went to bed and I went on the computer to check my email. And there it was. Oilerman had made a comment on my blog, so I thought wow, he must be pissed. I log into my blog to read the comment, and the entry is no longer there. So I go back and read my email and he explains that he accidentally deleted the post when he meant to delete his comment that he posted twice. I’m thinking, tha’ts impossible to do unless you are logged in as an administrator. Well as it turns out I had been logged into my blog at one point on his browser as an administrator and it kept me that way the next time he viewed my blog. So he claimed that all he meant to do was delete the comment he made, but somehow he not only deleted the my entry from the blog site but he also deleted it out of the history. The blog title doesn’t’ even come up. I am totally pissed now. He was pissed too because the entry I made had excerpts from our email fight. He thought I was invading his privacy by posting that email on the net. I didn’t post his email address, just parts that were pertinent to the argument. He thought I was making him out to be the bad guy. Derr. So he posted to that fact, and because he’s the one who posted it originally I am going to include it on this entry. He says:

“I may as well comment to this. I guess I could act like you and find a rather public format to drag your name through mud day in and day out. It's like you've written a diary, and left it open to everyone but myself. Maybe if you communicated half as much as this to me, you wouldn't be on trying to tell the world how evil of a person I am. I guess its considered cool to publish a private conversation between a girlfriend and boyfriend for all too see. I'll re-read all of the text later to match it to the emails... since I run the chance that the letters have been edited. I'm not here to comment on what your latest issue is. Perhaps I should tape record all of our conversations, take issue with you, and then play them over the intercoms at work one day to garner the public's opinion. I'm sure they enjoy a good soap opera as much as the next person. I am firmly and resolutely certain that you would not appreciate such an action the slightest bit. Don't bother comparing the two... as your blog is listed as a signature in the bottom of every email you send to anyone. That's just as much advertisement as I could muster by playing recorded conversations over a loudspeaker in a store full of people. If you become even more popular on here, I'll step it up to a busy saturday afternoon at a large shopping mall Public Announcement system. You get the point. I hope. I wonder if people are asking you why your still with such a close minded heathen of a man? What do you tell them? You're just a sucker for punishment? You're doing God's work by trying and trying to change the pitifully awful person you call your boyfriend? Or that I'm just a stepping stone until something better comes along? Have no where else to go? Blog about that question next, please. We've also had a ton of good times together. Other people have blogs that discuss the good things in their lives. If you're such a positive person, you could have made quite a few entries of all the good times you've had. Did you? I've read your posts just as everyone else has. No sense in getting into banter about this point after my post, because we both know deep down the good has outweighed the bad by a fair margin. I state this to question the perspective you are broadcasting to everyone.
I am real disappointed. People need to vent, I understand that. But personal emails? I see no responses yet. Maybe people feel kinda weird about that. How would you feel? Well, I've lived with you for about 8 years now. I'm pretty sure I know how you'd feel.
I guess I've had a chance now to come in and write rebuttals to this. However, this is your blog. Online diary if you well. One writes ( types ) their feelings in here and that's pretty much that. I could have come in and also listed pages of things that you do like about me, or all the decent things I've done. You'd agree with them too. I know you would. I have no doubt about it. But those are things we share together, aren't they? Is that why you leave them out of your blog? I don't go around only showing what I dislike about you to everyone I know. I wish you wouldn't either. We both possess qualities that we're proud to tell others of and the same qualities are why we're still with each other for so long.
Now I know you'll end up responding, but instead of instantly responding.. first, just really read what I've said. I love you. Don't do something like this post again. I know you wouldn't like it.”

Ok so you got some stuff off of your chest. And yes you made some good points. I however do have a few counter points. Of all the entries on my blog I have only slagged you really bad since we broke up. That’s par for the course. And let’s face it, it hasn’t been all sweetness and light since we decided to get back together either. All the good stuff that has happened between us has happened before I started this blog. Aside from the engagement that is and I blogged that the day after it happened. A blog is about venting and getting emotions out that you aren’t prepared to say to someone in person. And honestly I didn’t even want you reading it if I can be very blatant, not because I didn’t want you to read what I was saying about you specifically but because I didn’t want to have to censor myself – period. But what you aren’t understanding or taking into consideration I guess is that wounds take time to heal. And sweetheart there were some fairly large emotional wounds that happened that night. It was devastating. I had a future laid out for us and then in one foul swoop it was gone, and not just gone but destroyed. That takes time to rebuild. Trust, which was what the original post pretty much centred around, has to be re-established. Now to the fact that I took an email word for word and put in on the blog, fine I won’t take a personal email between us and post it. But now think about why you are really mad about it. Could it be because it showed some colours you do your best to hide from everyone who isn’t me? Because maybe people would take my side? You might have to face that you were being unreasonable. That’s something that maybe you need to live with. As to the question as to what I am doing with you still after everything, it’s called hope. Hope that we can work it out. Hope that we can make it happen. Hope that we can mend what went wrong and not make the same mistakes. 8 years is a long time to be with one person. It’s hard to throw that away. Even over fundamental differences that we do have. So meet me half way is all I ask. Please.

J-BOMB out.