Shine On

If you will indulge me I would like to add my two cents on the Montreal violence that occurred just last week. It's actually taken me about this long to formulate some thoughts beyond emotion about this subject. Having been through a similar situation in Calgary, however much less tragic as no one died, it made me feel…. what I am not sure. I just know it disturbed me to the point of not being able to express these sensations with words. I just kept thinking, why does this keep happening even after everything that was learned from Montreal 17 years ago and Columbine just 7 years ago. Maybe the extremes to which the States have gone to with metal detectors at school entrances isn’t a bad idea after all. And I keep wondering what was going through this guys head that made him take an arsenal of weapons to a school which hasn’t even been determined whether or not he was a student of. I keep thinking that he must have been really pissed off, or mad at someone there but it doesn’t follow along the evidence that has so far been uncovered. And he was 25 so it’s not like you could blame it on bullying, because by that age you should know how to deal with your feelings better then to pick up an assault rifle and take matters into your own hands. So then I just get mad at him. Like he would care if he knew I was angry with him for taking someone’s life I didn’t even know. And then his mom says he was a nice kid, always smiling and things like that. If you notice through out the bible and mythology when describing all things evil, they are usually grinning and seem happy. Why, because they know what they are doing is wrong and they know they are going to get away with it. Just like this guy did. So maybe he was evil in the true and most frightening sense of the word. Does that explain it away? No, not so much for me. What made this guy evil? Where did he get the right to take away someone’s life because he was mad? Who gave him that unlimited power to decide who lives or dies? These are the questions that have kept me awake for a week. Is it morbid that I want to know these things? I don’t think it is. It’s human nature to want to have an explanation to why bad things happen or why bad people do what they do. I feel bad for his mom. She must be just devastated that her son did these things. And that’s what he was, he was someone’s son that was loved. He had family and friends and a home. And in one brief and excruciating decision he threw it all away. My god why? Why on earth would you want to give that up? I can’t imagine taking my own life away from my family, because in that moment your family gets taken away from you. I couldn’t live without my family. And I couldn’t live with myself if I felt what it was like to take a light from someone else’s family. To deliberately take away the life of another, someone who is loved and loves, someone who is bright and young and has so many possibilities laid before her, someone who’s lit up a room for someone else, because we do that for someone out there. Whether or not we know it, we make people happy just by showing up, being there. To those of you, who do that for me, thank you. Maybe he didn’t have someone who did that for him. But I bet he did it for someone. And now that someone doesn’t have that light anymore. He made a decision, one solitary action that changed the course of that person’s life. Maybe we should all act like we light up someone’s life and we would be better for it. Less selfish and ignorant towards one another. Maybe we should tell someone that they light up your day. Maybe if someone had told him that, she would still be here. And even as I type that sentence out I see how it shifts blame and I apologize for that. Maybe don’t do it for him, do it for her. So I challenge who ever reads this blog, tell someone who lights up your day that they light up your day. Let go of the worry of feeling awkward or weird about it, just do it. See the reaction you get. So here it goes, to the people who light up my day: Darlene, Gary, Curtis, Colleen, Rachelle, Amelia, Christopher, Jana, Chris, Mike, Linda, Aunty J, Hope, Louis, Keila, Zenon, Mel, Benjamin, Chewie, Roxilana, The Petes, Brandy, Lorne, Chris, Sue, Ken, Tyler, Larry, Jeff, Todd, Riot, Sean, Melissa, Bruce, Sherri, Scott, Gio, Peter, Melissa, Danna, Jenn, Jeff, Amy, Jarrett, Sharon, Jen, Clarissa, Arlene, Rom, Victor, Denise. And to those who lit it up while their candle was still burning: Auntie Mar, Uncle Don, Gramma Ethel, Grandpa Duke. Thank you all so much for your parts in lighting up my day.

J-BOMB! OUT!

The Come Uppances Just Keep Comin'!!!

Hey All! And by all I mean Jenn. Ha! So we ended last week with a nice little raise in my salary, and last Friday was payday so I got my new payday amount and it wasn't great but it's still more. The nicest thing was that they paid it retroactive from July 31st. I didn't realize that was happening. I mean I remember Pete showing me the date and it said July 31st but I thought it was just a typo. So I got some good money this payday. Unfortunately it's almost all gone. But I got some stuff done with it that needed to be done. I paid some rent, my car, the insurance for the car and the credit card. I feel very accomplished. Last week we played our finals for Volleyball. Sunday we only got 3rd. But I got the MVP and the Sportsmanlike vote on one of our games! We took the number one spot on Tuesday. We had a good game too but it was getting late and we played our last and decisive match in the dark almost. It was a good game too and it was close and we got to play our favourite team, Sun of a Beach for the title. We love that team. So much fun to play against and usually good competition. I had a doctor's appointment on the Thursday for a procedure to use a semi-permanent form of birth control. It wasn't the most pleasant procedure. Let's just say if I wasn't having kids before due in large part to the fear of phucking up kids royally as a parent then the pain of child birth put it over the edge for me. She (the doctor) said I was experiencing what women in labour with minor contractions felt when they are expanding in the cervical area. Minor contractions.... I can't even imagine what the major ones would be like. Forget it! The apparatus that was used was $360. So the boy paid for that nicely, but he also knew that my insurance was reimbursing me for it 100%. Otherwise he might not have. I mean in the past 8 years I have paid for my birth control pills up until 6 months ago or so. And at $15 a month and 84 months of us being together, that's $1260 of birth control that I paid for, cause I can think of maybe a handful of times that he paid for them. And I didn't have insurance for alot of that time either. And he's asked me 3 times if I sent in the receipt for it yet. Ridiculous. But I digress. That night we had volleyball and I had such bad cramps from the doctor appointment. I was a bit grouchy. But I soldiered on. Oh my god I can't believe I said that. Anyways we beat one of our most hated teams to get to the finals. Then we played our most liked team and technically we tied because we only got 2 games in and we won one and they one the other and we beat each other by the same margin. But our team ceded the championship to them because we joined the league late and they played more then we did and they only played with 3 people and played well. And I got to see Riot! We like Riot. I probably mentioned that dog once or twice before in a prior rant. That's Tall Guy Todd's dog. I asked him to breed Riot with another dog and train a puppy and give it to me. Heh, I don't think he will. But puppy is so cute! So well behaved! Perfect dog. Anyway by the time volleyball was done Thursday it was too cold to go for drinks after I guess cause everyone left. Then Friday I had the day off because I was going to Kenora to babysit the girls while my brother and his wife went on a romantic rendez vous for their 10th Anniversary. How sweet! I had been looking forward to this for like a month now! I love it when I get to spend time with my girls cause they are always so good for me and me alone. Heh! Cause I am "the sweetest, prettiest, nicest hair and I smell like a rose Auntie" according to the youngest one Amelia. Hehehehe, she might be my favourite. Nahh I love em both too much to measure it. The first night we went to the movies and saw "Barnyard" and I highly recommend it! It was so good! Loved it and the kids were the best ones in the theatre. They never talked or walked around or anything. I mean there were some older kids ahead of us that kept talking through the poignant parts of the movie and it was driving me crazy so I shushed them a few times. I felt old after that. Then this little 3 year old behind us kept walking back and forth between parents and yacking and pulling my hair as she used the back of our seats to steady herself as she walked. I didn't even have to have the no talking or no moving talk with my girls before we got there, they just knew better. Then we went home and they had their baths and made no bones about going to bed. We went Walmart the next day and because they were such good kids I bought them each a toy. then that night we went to Gramma's for supper. And they were good there too. They played with Nordika and Annie. And we took Nord for a walk. She doesn't walk so well on a leash but that's not her fault, we never taught her that. Then we watched a movie "RV" and it was pretty funny. We stayed up a bit later though to play Go Fish, and I won everytime thank you! I am so good at that game! I challenge anyone to try and beat me at it! Heh. Then the next morning they played and let Auntie sleep in a bit. Then we cleaned up the bedrooms and the living room and I cleaned up in the kitchen. I was supposed to go for lunch with Brandy but didn't get a chance cause Curt and Colleen came back later then expected and I had to feed the kids lunch. We had Kraft Dinner and it was yummy. Then Curt and Colleen came back and about 5 minutes after that the girls started fighting with each other. Funny how that works. But they were so good all weekend. We watched the first 2 quarters of the football game. Kinda funny cause my brother doesn't watch football, so I was explaining football to a guy. Cause I would woohoo a first down and he would asked "What does the 10 in the 1st and 10 mean?" Hahaha. He's a hockey person. And honestly he's not the most athletic person either. I'm better at sports then he is. So I had to get ready for my volleyball banquet that night and I decided it made more sense to stay in Kenora until like 4 or so and then head to Winnipeg because the banquet started at 6. Just go straight there from Kenora. Then I didn't have to go all the way to my place get ready and fight traffic in the city. It's alot easier to fight highway traffic then city. So I did my hair and I had bought a new pair of jeans and a top on sale before I left Winnipeg on Friday and I even put on make up. Headed out on the highway a little after 4 and of course I left behind a brush. I always leave something behind, it gives me an excuse to come back. Heh! SO I am driving on the highway and second guessing the top I am wearing because everytime I look down I see ALOT of cleavage. So I had another shirt with me in case of this exact reasoning. I like the shirt though. And I thought well I need to change this top before I get to the banquet or it will look dumb going in in one shirt and leaving in another one. So I figured I would do a quick switcharoo on the highway as I was driving. And I am trying to run the logistics of this through my head so that I don't have to be nekked from the waist up for very long. I finally manage to get the shirt I want to wear out of my duffle bag and that was a feat on it's own. So I am thinking....so I take part of the current shirt off and then put the other half of the new shirt on or take the current shirt up so it's only around my neck and then throw the other one on over top of that and slip the arms through? Well it seems that the second option was a bit more dangery then I thought cause I nearly hit the ditch on the first attempt. And then this Lexus comes screaming up behind me as I am pulling the old shirt over my head so I have to nix the change over in a hurry. Did I mention I am travelling at about 115 km/h? So he finally gets ahead of me far enough to get this party started. And I notice another car behind me getting closer so I figure that's it the transfer has to get made and NOW! So I whip off one top and on with the other. It took about 15 seconds in total. I was quite proud of myself and I let out a little giggle too. Heheheh just like that. Get to the banquet and I am the first from my team to get there and I sat with Scott and Gio, a good hubby and wife from another team. They are good people. So we sat and drank and laughed and then some others started to saunter in from my team. Ken and his wife and Tyler and his girlfriend and then Sue came with her hubby a little later. We were all taking pictures and having fun and then the food came. And it was good food let me tell ya. We had Roast Beef and carrots and beans and coleslaw and caesar salad and oh it was so good. And did I mention FREE! It was part of our league fees. And there was like 60 people or so there. My Club Desire (which is a gay bar here in Winnipeg) people were there. They are the team on Sunday nights that beat us out of playing for the finals. Awesome players! They were the ones that gave me MVP and Sportsmanlike. Dar even invited me to a party at his place that night to celebrate. So we are all having fun and finished eating and then the they started the trophy ceremonies. I couldn't believe how many he gave out. Sean really outdid himself on this banquet. He did just an awesome job. I got nominated for Most Sportsmanlike on Thursday nights which was a complete shock mostly because no one swears more then I do on the courts. But I don't swear at the other team or my team mostly at myself when I screw up. But it's more funny then offensive. I do get alot of laughs. Is that good though? But I was nominated against Melissa from Sun of a Beach and Bruce (my good buddy) from Sand In Our Shorts. I didn't have a prayer. Tall Guy Todd had 5 noms all together. All MVP noms mind you. Well he better at 6'6". He is a great player. He was up against Ken on a couple too. We whooted and hollered for his noms everytime he was named. Ken too, and Gio too. Scott got nom'd too for a Sportsmanlike nod. so they are getting through the noms and it's coming up to my category and bruce just showed up a few minutes before the category so he was shocked he was in it. So they are naming the nom's and Sean says "From 3 Hits January" and the whole Club Desire table just erupts it was so funny! And then they mentioned the winner and Sean says "Ok you guys you voted for her, January from 3 Hits!" I was SHOCKED!!!! SHOCKED!!! I didn't think I would even get nom'd but then to win it was awesome! I go up there and I'm like "Ok you people played against me... seriously? Sportsmanlike??" I was laughing and smiling it was so funny. I think even my knees were shaking a bit. I got another nom for Sportsmanlike for the playoffs. And Melissa got the same nom in that category. But who we were up against got it over us which was cool. Got my picture taken for the website! Check it out after Sept. 17th for pics www.cavalierinn.mb.ca. Then Ken went up for two MVP's that he tied for with Tall Guy Todd. Then our team went up for coming in 3rd on Sundays, 1st on Tuesdays and 2nd on Thursdays. So I will have lots of pics on that site come the 17th. Heehehehe. My ass even got pinched! Well it was by Dar who's gay but hey action's action baby! And I might even go so far as to say it's the best action in a while too. Sense the tone! Then they had a silent auction and I didn't win anything and then everyone pretty much left. So went home and showed off my trophy and then got lambasted for having two drinks over a 4.5 hour period and then driving home. Not to mention the amount of food I ate and anyone at the banquet can attest to it. I didn't go up for seconds or anything but my plate was fairly heap worthy. It was just stupid. I am not a drunk driver, I had two drinks over a long period and that was it. That is my limit, I don't have more then that. So that rained all over my pretty parade. He must have known he pissed me off cause he slept on the couch. But of course he'll just say it was from him being mad at me for drunk driving. Evs! Then last night I was about to finish up supper just waiting for the rice and I said something to him about him doing something that was annoying me and he made a snide remark like, "Hey at least I am not drinking and driving." So I left and went out for a bit and said your dinner is done when the dinger goes off and went out for an hour or so. Came home and contemplated not eating cause everything I made he had paid for. But I was hungry and he can kiss my ass. Then I dyed my hair (and it's an awesome red by the way) watched some dvd's cause I still have no cable and then went to bed and you can guess where he slept again. I have to say that I think he has slept more on the couch then in the bed since we moved back in together. Hang on I gotta go home and I will finish up from there.
Ok so I should have stayed at work cause I am on my way home and I got rear ended at a set of lights. Fantastic. 4 cars involved, Me the car behind me the car behind her and the car behind her. I think what happened was I was halfway through the intersection, like maybe a quarter of my car was in the intersection and the girl behind me stopped behind that and then the girl behind her hit her and she hit me. The a guy came up behind the third car and hit her. I think he gets the short end of the stick cause he only caused but didn't take damage. So we all exchanged info and I honestly don't know what to do next. I can't wait for youknowwho to get home. It should be interesting. He better not be a dick cause I couldn't bear it right now. He'll sleep on the balcony tonite if he does. Anyways gotta go find out who to call. Fun fun fun. Not the happy ending I wanted this post to have.
J-BOMB! OUT! And feeling a little achy already!