Thank God I Woke Up!

So I had a fairly bizarre dream life last night. Odder even more so was the fact that I only had about 4 hours of sleep due to my increasingly noisy neighbours to the east of me! Why do you need to have loud discussions in your bedroom after 1 AM? I don't get it???!?!!?! Anyways. The first place I remember it starting was me living in my house, so hey, good dream, I have finally progressed to a home in a house, happy happy joy joy!! Then someone on my freebie list (check my profile to see said list if you wish) and I had a romantic encounter. Yeah yeah bad me, whatever!!! He's not real and he's on MY FREEBIE LIST!!! It's not like this is a real person I would ever be with in real life. Funny historical side note, I am not sure if the boy would so much go along cause I have never asked about the fact if he was ok with my freebie list. Ask not, it's easier to deny later!! But I ended this romancic adventure even before it got really started because I was attached in my dream too. But hey getting to dream of one kiss with a guy on your freebie list is still pretty eff'n cool! Then I'm not sure how I got there but all of a sudden I was moving back out west, which would be awesome if I could afford it and my real life romance person would follow. I even had my old Dakota back to make the move. Oh how I miss that truck! Packing up boxes in the back and stuff and it felt good too, good like how you feel after you have made a smart decision. But boy was also following me there. Not the freebie list boy. So hot! (drool) Oh anyhow it did seem like that portion of the dream wasn't a separate incident from the first part. It felt like it gelled together properly. Then somehow we ended up in another apartment in Winnipeg and all of the boys family was in our apartment. Curiouser and curiouser... they never come over, even the ingrate of an exgirlfriend-sorry-excuse-for-a-parent-pain-in-the-ass from across the hall. And she gave me attitude in my dream so I let her have it! Better yet, so did the rest of the family. IT WAS AWESOME! I felt vindication, not just for myself but for everyone involved with that psycho! And then I went down to have coffee with a male friend and that psycho followed me and tried to listen in on our conversation like she was going to catch me saying something inappropriate to my friend that would be incriminating and then tell the boy on me. How high school! Then the boy came down to join us for coffee and they actually got along like they were old buddies! That was fantastic! Made my dream day! So let's take stock shall we...... 3 very positive things and one lusty positive thing and all it took was one mind numbingly freaky thing to jolt me awake in a cold sweat! We went back upstairs to our apartment and all of a sudden the boy and I had a baby. I don't know what the hell kind of elevator we were in but let me tell you I won't go into that one in real life. Scary. Wanna know why? I don't remember the labour (maybe that's not the scary part) and this baby was teeny weeny. And it's neck flopped even when I was supporting it. I was swaddling this baby, pardon me, MY baby, and noticed that she (hey at least it was a girl) was poopy so I wanted to change her. As I removed old dirty diaper the baby kind of dragged various body limbs through the "dirt" so I had to now bathe this infant. I remember being very concerned at getting "dirt" on me too so I was holding her like a nuclear reactor, arms straight out parallel to the floor, and then simply running her under the tap in the bathroom sink. I really don't remember it being that easy. However I did remember to test the water temperature with my elbow. I even used baby soap. Then back to the bedroom to replace with a non "dirt" filled diaper and put baby back to bed; well there was no crib to be found. Oh and I couldn't swaddle her properly at all. So I got frustrated and the boy actually cozied her up and put her to bed, in our bed right in the middle. Not like she's gonna roll off, she's a newborn. I was tired too, I felt like a new mother, just drained..... totally out of steam like I have been doing it for hours. Looking after the infant you perverts! I went into check on her and the boy had put her to sleep on the wrong side. So I got all scared of her having SIDS or some other sleeping disorder. He says "Just put Sheba in the room and she'll let us know if anything goes wrong." Who's Sheba you ask..... Well in real life she was my first ever dog, a German Sheppard and the best one ever. She was part of the family before I was, and she was the mother of all dogs. Didn't matter what kind of babies were in the house, humans, kittens she was there ready to mother them. She had 2 rather large litter of puppies herself. We had a cat who had kittens and Sheba couldn't wait for the Dribbles (the mother cat) to go out for a pee break so she could get into that litter box and take care of those kittens. Dribbles would come back in and find all kittens freshly washed by Sheba and dripping in dog slobber. It was hilarious. Back to my dream, one more positive - I finally have a DOG! But this Sheba wasn't a Sheppard, well maybe a Sheppard cross, but definitely with Rotti and Lab traits to her. My perfect dog choice! So in came Sheba to watch over baby and I left the room, just as I was closing the door I awoke. Now lets just brush up on your "January Doesn't Want Babies" history...... I don't want to be a mother. Yes I was drenched in sweat, babies are SCARY! I am fairly certain that this dream just solidified that decision I made oh so long ago. I felt like I was breaking this baby. (shiver) So waking up is now a good thing for more then just knowing I'm not dead! As I was recounting this story to a co-worker this afternoon she asked "What the FUCK did you eat last night????" So note to self: no more french onion soup and reubens for supper!!!


J-BOMB OUT!! (considering a tubalectomy!)