I Got Professionally Shafted! And Not In A Good Way!

So lets begin. I was up for a job in the company that I work for, and imagine my "surprise" when they tell me I did NOT get the job - AGAIN! This is just getting stupid. 4 job interviews in 5 years and I got bupkiss! This just isn't worth it anymore. You bend over backwards for a company hoping you will get noticed and duly promoted and or rewarded in some manner. Well I am done bending for any reason. They want extra effort then they can suck my dick! So tired of this crap. It feels a little like putting out on the first date (which I have NEVER done - no really!) and then not getting a call after for a second date. It was just kind of funny, cause I remember after the interview they asked if I would help out with stuff like onsales at the box office and stuff like that which I happily did to show I get along with the people down there. Which I do. And one of the old school people were down there. His name's Paul, I have mentioned him before I think. He was the call centre manager up until about July of last year. He left cause the call centre was heading in a direction he didn't like. Yeah the phone room was becoming professional and he would stop having to be everyones friend, he might have to wear appropriate clothing to work instead of rock t-shirts, he might have to be accountable for things. So he left. And guess who got the Box Office job.... that's right that same guy. So it goes to show that in this company he who cuts and runs when the going gets tough gets all the good stuff just because he's been there for a gazillion years. Argh! So I didn't get told until about 4:40pm on a friday afternoon. And after being told I was asked if I had any questions, and I said no I just have a statement - I am going home now, and I walked out of my bosses office. I went home and emailed off about 30 resumes to anywhere I could see. I was so mad! I still am! I just don't know what these people want. Basically I was told because Paul has management experience and I don't was the reason they went with him. In other words, we don't trust you in a managerial position with any amount of power. Then he says that I would be better suited in the Client Services department, with no one working under me. Yeah cause there has been so much movement in that department in the local office. I mean how do you get the experience and in an entry level position like this one was in all honesty, if they keep giving it to people that won't go the FUCK AWAY!?!?!?!? Then yesterday I was asked to go down there to work for a bit while it got busy so I told them it was too busy on the opera line, and it wasn't a good idea. Go down the box office my ass! I've had a couple of calls about my resumes so far but nothing really matches my pay here. Now that is truly sad because the pay here isn't all that great. So bare minimum is what they will get out of me. That's all I seem to get out of them. Oh and the other thing that fries my loaf.... they said they wanted someone in their right away, um the guy they hired is OUT OF THE COUNTRY FOR THE NEXT FUCKING MONTH! BITE ME! I can't win, apparently I am not meant to. So I will just eke out a meager existence since that seems to be all I am good for. Yay me.

J-BOMB so very out!

To Sleep Perchance To Dream

Have you ever had one of those dreams that feel so real you wake up broken hearted? Even after 8 years after my godmother passed away I dream of her and my godfather (he only passed away a little less then 2 years ago) still alive and still living in the same house I nearly grew up in back in Kenora. And you get that homey, de ja vu that makes your heart smile and puts a little extra warmth in your tone. Last night I had one of those kinds of dreams. It was beautiful and summer outside and the lake looked perfect, the house smelled of cedar and Coca Cola. Yes, it has a smell. And everything there was like it was when I was younger. Before she passed they actually moved into the house they built next door because it was smaller. It was a gorgeous house as well. But when I have these dreams we are always in the other house, that beautiful A-frame with gigantic bay windows that were basically floor to vaulted ceiling. The loft office upstairs, the rec room downstairs where my brother lived, that had the pool table in it and a bar. The stand up freezer that was always full of meat and frozen veggies. The wrap around deck well above the ground, with the hummingbird feeders and great big B-B-Q on it. There was stairs from the deck to the grass and the big rock in the yard. My uncle had built a diving board in the rock that we used. He even carved a picture of a loon dancing on the water just before it took flight in the cement steps he attached to the rock. The dogs are there, Bambi and Punqui, at least a few of the cats like Mister “E” or Missie Mouse. It’s just so entirely the same. Happy times. The twist is that I am the age I am now with the people I have now in these dreams. It feels special. Like I wish everyone I know now knew the delight I did when I was there. Last night I dreamt I had all of my friends from every corner of the earth there and we were having a cook out. It was perfect. And I got to talk to my godparents again. And hold them and smile at them and have them smile back. The sound laughter was amazing. But then we always did laugh a lot at Auntie Mar and uncle Don’s house. It’s funny, I never really cooked too much in that house but it seems that when I am there now that’s what I am doing. My nieces and brothers and sisters are all around, both my parents are there and amused. It was just perfect. Then every time I would try and introduce my newer friends with my godparents something in the back of my brain new it wasn’t right. And I would remember they are gone. But as fast as I remembered it I forgot it and it was elation again. It’s just such a strange bliss you know? There’s such fun and closeness but you have that 6th sense that something isn’t as it really is. But you can’t quite put your finger on it. But you’re so happy you don’t care. And I don’t care about the theory that those kind of dreams only last minutes because to me this dream was hours long of sheer greatness. And then you wake up. And for just a few seconds, I think “Damn I haven’t called Auntie Mar in ages I should call her and see how she and Uncle Don are.” And before I even finish that entire sentence in my head, by about the time the word “how” bounces through my head, I remember. But I can’t bring myself to not finish that sentence. I never can. And there doesn’t seem to be an occurrence that makes these dreams surface. Not food, nor thought, nor smell. They just happen every so often. And I am left with this feeling of an unfillable void. And the wish to speak with them again. It’s devastating, I’ve tried all day to get out of this emotion and nothing is working. What to do, what to do? Well I could talk about something else I suppose.
Ok then, I had an interview on Monday for the Assistant Box Office Manager position and it went well, but it always does. I really, really need this job. And I would be good at it too. However I won’t know anything until next week. So I sit and stew. It’s hard to do that. I would just mean a lot to me if I could progress in the company I have chosen to work for. Like they had confidence in me to be a worthy employee. I keep praying to the career gods but to date they have ignored me 3 times with in this company alone in 5 years. Not great odds, but then maybe they think I am due. Let’s hope the latter is what they are thinking here too. Well that’s it kids I will keep you abreast of the good stuff. See ya!

J BOMB OUT!