Thursday, June 01, 2006

Catharsis & Bravado? Good or Bad?

Well if a blog is supposed to be therapeutic, then I shall be needing it really badly right now. It turns out that I am no longer a fiancee. Because MY fiance thinks I want to do nothing but ruin him financially. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the all mighty dollar has finally taken it's toll on my relationship. And the funny thing is the all mighty dollar never even got spent in order for it to ruin my life. Just the mere thought of it. I do believe, however, that it was just a smoke screen. Something is always not as it seems. Like my life. But I got it tonite and all he did was spit on me, literally. I have always known he had a mean streak in him ever since we moved in together. I never went after Mike. But we all know I broke his nose once. And this is getting straightened out before I come off as the crazy psycho ex-fiancee. I was laying in bed and had my back to him and I we were horsing around and he hit the spot on your side that makes you react with elbows, what I didn't know was that his head was right behind my elbow, and as he poked me I swung back to block his hands from contacting my sides and there was his nose. For the record, I cried. He bled and I cried because I thought at that time he was going to get so mad from something that should have been an innocent tickle fight that he was going to swing back at me. But he didn't. He laughed, hysterically at the fact that blood was gushing out of his nose. I phoned the only person I knew in the city with some sort of medical training, Roxilana. And when I phoned her I think Mike hung up the phone on her before she picked up. But she must have had caller ID I guess and she called us back and I explained what happened and asked her if we should go to the ER. She said for a broken nose, there really isn't much you can do. So from there it became the funny tale of why
Mike's nose is mishapened. But it got thrown in my face the next time things got tense. The nice thing about rambling for catharsis is that there doesn't really need to be rhyme or reason. I'm not sure what else to say. My eyes are open now, however they are still filled with tears. You don't spend a quarter of your life with someone and get over it in a few hours. I was finally going to get married to someone I have been waiting for, for 5 years. I got the promise ring in year 2 and had been waiting for him to come through on that promise since, and it finally happened. I was happier then I had ever been. It made me feel worthy. Like the last 7 years weren't a waste of my life. Not to sound too much like an old black and white movie but I'm a fool, a damn fool. I know who's side some of you will come down on and it's fine, you have to because he's been your friend since high school and there's bias there and rightfully so. But it was a pure pleasure getting to know you and your family, you know who you are. So that's it for me folks. Time to turn off the lights, tip your waitresses with reckless abandon and don't forget always leave them wanting more.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

ouch. That's not how it's supposed to be. I've obviously missed a few things in the last little while (time is something I realize I will always be chasing now).

First, and most important point, is that you are worthy. You don't need someone else to make you feel worthy. Those who know you appreciate you for who you are (not because you are with someone; because of who you are).

Second, I hope that this is a missunderstanding of some sorts. I'm confused right now.

Third, (to comment on the last lines), keep the lights on, no need to tip because I'm still drinking and as for wanting more - it's true. I say, "Wait!" This is isn't how the movie's supposed to end.





it's not.

J-BOMB! said...

It's not fixable. He took the ring back. I took the ring off and put it down and he took it and left with some other things. I have no idea as to why wanting something that betters the two as a whole should come to such a head but it did and it's not un-doable. It shouldn't have ended this way. I deserved much better then that. I just don't know how to proceed.

Jenn said...

Oh January!! I am so so sorry that this is happening to you! You deserve the best and nothing less. I truly hope you will be ok and get through this.. if you need ANYTHING at all please let me and George know!! ((hugs))