Not So Fun Times are Here Again (Part 2)

Then Saturday finally came, and 'the fiance" and I hit the road for Kenora. It was nice. The roads were clear and so were the skies. Smooth sailing. You would think. I wanted to be on the road by 9AM but he wanted to wait until the LC opened so he could buy some beer before we hit the road. And we had to go to Canadian Tire and buy spark plugs for my brother to do when we got there. So we did Can. Tire first and then headed to the south end of our fine city to go to the LC just to waste time before 10AM. Ok fine, we did get to go to one of the better LC in Grant Park Shopping Mall. I bought a couple bottles of wine and Mike bought the beer. I went to Tim's to get a coffee and a muffin for the road. And I asked if he wanted anything but he wanted to look and see so I went over there and he went to the car to put away the stuff first. To me that was just a waste of 5 minutes. So I got my coffee and I met him as he was coming back into the mall and I told him I was going to the car to wait for him. He was back out within like seconds and he was mad because he couldn't find a bathroom. So off we go to the next stop which is McD's for him and when we get there he goes in and comes back out within minutes this time and with no food to eat. But he did get to pee, but he was still mad, which makes for an interesting trip. So he goes to take off and he almost makes my coffee spill everywhere so I was like uh watch my coffee, and he got madder of course. He's such a grump. Finally get on the highway and people are just being the stupied phucks known to man. On the perimeter there was some dumb lady in the lef thand lane going 80km/h in a 100km/h zone and was too scared to pass a U-haul van so she was blocking up the road. I mean really then, slow the hell down and get in behind the truck and out of our way. Then we get to the Lorette turn off and the highways are in such bad shape it's like driving on a washboard. And that went on for about 30 kms. Then the rest of the drive was good until we hit the Ontario border and my bladder said STOP! It was another 20 kms until we could stop. Everything was closed until Clearwater Bay. So even smoother sailing after that because my bladder was empty and his mood was nominally better. It always gets better when we get to Kenora. It's the journey that sucks but the destination that rules! Oh did I forget to mention that we made these plans with my brother like a week and a half ago and when I called him friday night to remind him that I was coming in at about noon he had forgotten that I was coming down at all. Nice huh? His only job was to not tell my parents that I was coming down in order to surprise them. But to get them over to his place for any reason the night I was there. Well my dear older brother must be losing it in his old age because he forgot I was coming and told my mom that they would have dinner at her place on saturday night. Dumbass! So I told him he had to fix it before I got down. Luckily he can lie pretty good when he needs to. He told my mom he forgot about an adult's only dinner party he was going to at one of his in-laws on saturday night and if she could, would she babysit for them. Of course she says yes, because she will babysit anytime to spend time with the girls. He lied to his mommy which he never does. Impressive but for a good cause. Then he called dad and asked him to babysit for him too so that they would be there around the same time. Playing the ends against the middle, nice strategy I must say. But they weren't coming over until about 4:30 or so. What would we do in the mean time. Go to the sno cross at the rec centre. Cool. Actually it was kinda fun. Watching snow machines doing jumps and racing at the same time. But it was about 3 hours of standing outside with nothing but shoes (not boots) and a touque. It was a bit cold, but I was ok and the fiance was the one who was cold. His toes were frozen so we went back to Curt's van and warmed up and we were only there for about 10 minutes when the races were all done and it was time to go. We all headed back to Curt's and sat and chatted and before we knew it Mom was pulling up in the driveway. So Mike and I hid in Amelia's bedroom and we told the girls to get gramma to come in the room to tell her they had something to show her. So then Mike and I jumped out of the closet and scared the hell out of her. It was funny. She literally grabbed her chest and jumped back in shock. Then she hugged us and we went to the living room and started to gab. She said "I guess I am not babysitting tonite huh." We all had a laugh. No sooner had we gotten to gab and dad's truck pulled up. S o back to hiding we go. This time just to mix it up we hid in Rachelle's room this time. But the girls brought him into Amelia's room and were confused so we were going to come out of Rach's room and surprise all of them as a joke but the girls caught on to quick and brought him into Rach's room and I jumped out of the closet and Mike hid behind the bed and jumped up and gave dad a start, but in a good way. And we all hugged and had a laugh. It was great! We ordered Chinese food from Ho-ho's (the best Chinese food in Kenora) and spent about 120$ on it. But it was worth it to finally get to see my family after we got engaged. And stupid me forgot all my bridal magazines in Winnipeg. Colleen was upset with me for that. It was funny. We drank a lot of wine and beer which was fun. Then dad and I made plans for lunch the next day. We went to BBQ Bobs. If you are ever in Kenora it's highly recommendable. So we sat up and watched some really funny shows on Discovery with Curt and Colleen. We laughed so hard, Colleen and I even had giggle fits. Out of control laughter, just what I needed. Then we went to bed and got up around 10ish am. And it was snowing pretty good when we got up. I thought we were going to get snowed in. We got up and Curt and Colleen decided to blow off church and have a small breakfast. Then the girls, Colleen and I all went shopping. It is Amelia's bday at the end of March so I wanted to get her something for her bday and they needed clothes, so that's what we got her. And I can't buy clothes for Amelia and not Rach, so we found Rach a pair of really cheap jeans for like $12 and they were levi's too. Very cute and a top too. We had fun. And it gave Colleen a chance to get her shopping done without the kids throwing stuff in the cart. Then I tried to get Colleen to buy something for herself but she wouldn't do it. I mean there were some nice tops for her that were only like $7. Then we were supposed to go to my mom's after shopping but we didn't have enough time. We met my dad for lunch and had a nice time again. We got back to Curt and Colleen's and decided to do the wait and see with the weather. Then Coll's brother came over and the boys all had a beer each. So that means that I have to drive back to the city now in this fun weather. So I tried to get him to realize that this isn't traveling weather but he wouldn't hear of it. Work needed him to be there even though his brother was there. I phoned the store and told Jay that maybe we might not make it back because of the shyty weather and he was fine with it so I told him to talk to the boy about it but he just said we would be there no matter what. I was pissed. Let's get us back so you can go to work and risk our lives to do it. Just retarded! SO we got on the road around 5ish or so. It started to slow down a bit snow-wise so we got in the car and got going, and I thought all was well until I decided to test the conditions. Well I tapped my brakes on a straight stretch on the highway and with no oncoming traffic. I skidded to the left and then the right and got it back on track and decided to go a little slower then usual. We got to about 10 kms to the Manitoba border and there is this car going less then 50km/h on the highway. I mean it was icy and all but not to that effect. He had a line up of like 10 cars behind him by the time I caught up to him. Then cars were coming up on my ass, I had to keep my hazards on to let them know how slow it was up here. We never got to pass this guy until Falcon Lake. So finally get by him and then the highway was twinned from there on back to the city. And it only got worse there because they hadn't really cleaned off any part of the highway on the Manitoba side, they just kind of hoped that the heavy trucks were keeping the lanes clear. Bunch of morons. Ontario had trucks for snow removal and plows out when we drove through it. So passing was fun and when semi's were passing you was even more fun- NOT! I was whited out completely and all I could do was keep the wheel straight and hope for the best. Then when I was going by some car he was riding the line when it wasn't clear and I got mad at this guy not to mention the fact that he was only going 75km/h in front of me and when I decided to go around him he does the typically retarded Winnipeg thing to do and speed up. So as I was going around him I had to go even faster then I was really all that comfortable with but staying behind this guy wasn't an option. So I had to get ahead of him fast because the lane is getting dodgier and dodgier as the time goes on, so I get back into the lane ahead of him I had to cut my lane change a little closer then I usually give on the highway. Too phucking bad for him. He shouldn't have tried to race when he wasn't going to go that fast with people behind him. Then as I came back into the lane he high-beamed me. I flicked it back at him with my rear view mirror and called him a few choice words. You know me! Then as another vehicle was going to pass me I moved over and slowed down made a comment like "See that's how you let the faster car go by you." But of course whathisface had to get all bossy about it. You know when driving conditions aren't ideal then maybe, just maybe YOU SHOULDN'T ANTAGONIZE THE PHUCKIN' DRIVER!!!!!!! Stupid phuckhead. Of all the times to pick a fight, really. He got mad because the clear part of the lane that I was in was in the middle of the road. Well I can't help that. That's where it's clear and that's where I am traveling on it. That's how it works in the city. And he damned well knows that. Lines don't mean shyte when you can't see the phuckin' things, it's where the clear part of the pavement is that makes the lanes. I mean I travel down Portage every friggin' day and never do I travel where the lines are on the roads in the winter BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE THEM!!!! So that was all kinds of stupidity right there. And then he had to pee so I pulled into the Petro just outside the city by the lorette turn off and he went inside to do his business, and I had to go all of a sudden too so I went. When I came out he was buying a chocolate bar. ONE chocolate bar and the kind of bar I don't like. I paid for everything except one tank of gas when we were in Kenora and he couldn't even think about me when making one of my favourite types of purchases. Nice huh. I think he did it on purpose too because I had mentioned wanting a choc. bar in Clearwater Bay on the way out. And I didn't get it. Whenever one of us makes those kinds of purchases it's just a silent understanding that you buy one for the other person too. I mean it always was before. It would be like me coming home one night with a slurpee for me but not for him. Which I have NEVER done in 7 years. That's just the rudest thing he could have thought to do. We finally got home, thanks to MY amazing driving, not his, at about 8PM and I phoned my brother to let him know we got home ok. And I don't think I even talked to him the rest of the night. But I think it's time for me to digress. I am just getting madder as I am recounting the evening. Well that's it for me folks, tip your waitresses with wreckless abandon.

J-BOMB OUT!